a real post

...sort of.

i've had bloggers block for awhile now. it's a lot of pressure to come up with all those words. what i'm starting to figure out (to which the cosmos says 'duh') is that there is all sorts of stuff going on in the back of my mind that has been too painful/too scary/too freaky/too FUCKING WEIRD to really get into. and this of course creates a profound sense of writer's block. have you ever tried to write about sex when you're having a hard time (no pun intended, ha ha) just having sex with a total emotional break down? no? well, i don't recommend it.

so, herewith, i will attempt a little more honesty in this here blog. in a word, i am having some emotional "issues". it's been a long year for me and my darling; one of the first casulties was the buttloads (no pun intended) of kinky sex. once he wanted to again, i couldn't, because i was too busy trying to understand those deep, desperate feelings of abandonment that the lack of kink seemed to bring to the surface.

also there is the whole other matter of the other blog that some of you may have seen if you ever went to my profile. that was supposed to be the place to talk about this stuff - but i think that the personal fragmentation is part of the problem. i need to not banish my kinky nature to some emotional cellar. so i will be moving things around a bit and incorporating that stuff here.